Morning Mess: Bird is the word

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With word like giblets and gizzards flying through the air, it must be Thanksgiving.

As the weather turned cooler this week, it is a perfect time to heat the oven, and load up on the great food the holiday is famous for. Not only is it a time to eat so much turkey — you have to loosen your belt, (or migrate to pants with elastic waist bands) — but it’s also time for family.

Time for a "dry run" or "practice" for the Super Bowl of all family gatherings — Christmas is now less than 90 days away.

It’s also a time to be "thankful" for the blessings we have in our lives. After all, it is Thanksgiving. And as usual, I am thankful for my family, our health and for all the blessings I have personally.

But I am also thankful for great TV. Is this year a great year for the boob-tube or what? Between new instalments of Boardwalk Empire and the adorable antics of Honey Boo-Boo, I need a bigger DVR.

Las Vegas, Hawaii 5-0, Storage Wars, those guys who hunt crocodiles, and the ice road truckers. Yes, thank you TV gods for the incredible TV season we are about to receive, and make us truly grateful for on-demand replays and new content on Netflix. In the name of the big screen, the small screen and the holy armchair, amen.

Another thing I’m thankful for is the WHL and the NFL. Those two sports give me more than my required fix of sports in light of the current NHL lockout. In fact, what NHL lockout?

Now don’t get me wrong, I love the Jets. I’m super happy they’re back and I wish the league and players would reach a deal, but at the same time, it’s nearly impossible to get a ticket. When you do, prepare for your child’s first semester education fund to foot the bill for your night out watching NHL hockey in Winnipeg. It’s awesome, but so are trips into space to see the space station. Those tickets, I think, might even be cheaper.

In comparison, a couple bucks gets me a Wheat Kings ticket or the NFL Sunday ticket to catch all the games from my favourite NFL team (Go VIKINGS). So thank you Wheat Kings and thank you Sunday ticket. For those who don’t agree with me, it may be time to buy a Jet’s bumper sticker, apply it to your forehead, and tell everyone you’re "on the patch" and trying to quit.

I think for me to be truly thankful this year I have to look at the holiday as many look at Christmas — through the eyes of a child. It is here we can really get a true appreciation for what being grateful means, in a complicated busy world.

This week on the Morning Mess radio show and on Facebook, we asked parents to ask their kids for us: "What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving" and here’s what some said:

"I’m thankful for Santa. I love Santa." — Danica, age 3

"I’m thankful that I love everyone in our family and that they love me too." — Lizzy, age 8

"I’m thankful for my mommy, my daddy, my sister, my brothers and horses." — Emily, age 9

"I thankful for getting out of the hospital, and chocolate but not for the bacon shortage." — Alak, age 9

"Mickey Mouse and the monkey bars... and breakfast bars." — Bennett, age 3

"I’m thankful for Canada, family and summer." — Ava, age 9

"I’m thankful for my family and Thanksgiving feasts." — Peyton, age 5

"I’m thankful for Beyblades and cookies." — Hunter, age 9

"I’m thankful for Fridays because I don’t have to do any homework." — Steven, age 10

"I’m thankful to have such a great school" (Betty Gibson) — Lexy, age 6

"I’m thankful for my parents’ ability to figure out, one grunt means yes and another grunt means I’ve gone No. 2 in my diaper." — Dad on behalf of Finnegan, age 2

Good thoughts. Thanks, moms and dads, and kids, too.

But now it’s time for the main event. Sometime this weekend, you’ll indulge in "The Big Bird" and if you’re in charge of the turkey, I’ve included a great gag you can use on your guests — the beach bird.

Now to make your own bikini beach bird, lay out a piece of tin foil to put on your turkey before you roast it in the oven. You will make the swimsuit out of tin foil.

Use a shot glass to draw two circles for the bra top, then draw out the straps, cut and place over turkey breasts.

Spray a roasting pan liberally with non-stick spray, then place turkey in pan. It’s important to make sure the tin foil is smoothed flat on the skin.

Paprika and seasoning salt give it that golden tan, so don’t be skimpy on it. Gently pat your spices and herbs against the skin, so they stick well. Use a moist paper towel and gently wipe off excess herbs that stick to the foil bikini.

Bake your bird. When turkey is past half its cooking time, gently remove the bikini. Continue cooking until done.

Then after it’s finished, be sure to be dramatic and show your guests before you slice up the bird, playing some background music for effect. Maybe from the Beach Boys perhaps? Some surfing music from Jan & Dean, or wait for it... The Byrds.

Sorry. Be thankful you’re done reading my column for another week. Enjoy your long weekend, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Joke this Weekend

17 Ways to Cook a Turkey

Go buy a turkey

Take a drink of whisky

Put turkey in the oven

Take another 2 drinks of whisky

Set the degree at 375 ovens

Take 3 more whiskys of drink

Turk the bastey

Whisky another bottle of get

Ponder the meat thermometer

Glass yourself a pour of whisky

Bake the whisky for 4 hours

Take the oven out of the turkey

Floor the turkey up off of the pick

Turk the carvey

Get yourself another scottle of botch

Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Bless the dinner and pass out

Birthdays Today

Jodi Billard

Nicole Hargreaves

Marge Haney

Darin Oakley

Jennifer Hyde

Bartkewich

Melissa Sopel

Darcelle White

Shanna Sheylene

Tiffany Anderson

Sarah Jane Speer

Angi Obal Frape

Jen Smith

Jeffrey Haney

Marge Haney

Brandon Mansell

Republished from the Brandon Sun print edition October 6, 2012