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Cheesy Tuesday

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As of this morning, Brandon is known for the Wheat Kings, the Keystone Centre, Brandon University and ACC, CFB Shilo and the Flood of 2011.

We’re the Wheat City for one more weekend. Because Tuesday, it all changes.

The Wheat City will become Poutineville.

Amber and I are hosting an event that will likely garner international attention, thanks to Chad Wallin and his staff at Joe Beeverz, and the dozens of volunteers who will help break and set a Guinness World Record for the world’s largest serving of poutine.

The JB crew plans to beat the official record of 1,102 pounds of poutine with a serving in a giant stainless steel trough holding more than 1,700 pounds.

The world-record feat will take place at the Riverbank Discovery Centre during Canada Day celebrations Tuesday starting at 2 p.m.

The poutine will be free, but donations will be accepted on behalf of the Westman Cerebral Palsy Association and the Riverbank Discovery Centre.

And while building a food monstrosity of such gigantic proportions may sound silly to many, it is a creative way to get some notoriety for our city in a light-hearted way

It will likely attract international attention not seen since Bobcats basketball coach Gil Cheung drained that half-court shot seen by millions on YouTube and every U.S. news outlet.

So move over, "Wheat City" — "Poutineville" is about the take over. Instead of being known for growing what is used to make the world’s bread, we’ll be known for feeding the world french fries, gravy and cheese curd.

However, I don’t think Kelly McCrimmon will be too quick in changing the name of his hockey team. What would the Wheat Kings become? The Poutine Players? The Fry Guys? The Gravy Trainers? Cheese Kings sounds good.

And after we stake our claim as the kingdom of poutine, we might want to consider a poutine museum. There, we could discuss the process of potato farming, its impact on our area, local dairy producers, and the kids could ride a gravy train.

What fun — today a museum, tomorrow a theme park!

Sky’s the limit once Brandon gets its next 15 minutes of fame.

However, we’re not the first town to come up with a big idea around big food. Here are some other notables that will take their place alongside Brandon next week — towns with big hearts, big ideas and big cholesterol readings.

Biggest cheeseburger

913.54 kg (2,014 lb), which includes 60 lbs of bacon, 50 lbs of lettuce, 50 lbs of sliced onions, 40 lbs of pickles, and 40 lbs of cheese, courtesy the Black Bear Casino in Minnesota. Their massive bacon cheeseburger took more than four hours to cook the patty and seven hours to bake the bun. Since your average quarter-pounder is, well a quarter pound, this behemoth is the equivalent of 8,056 burgers. Even if you bought those burgers for 99 cents, you can see how the calories and the dollars quickly add up.

Biggest nacho platter

4,689 lbs, 80 ft long. It was made at the University of Kansas, with help from more than 80 volunteers, to raise money for a local charity that provides home-cooked meals for the homeless and hungry. Nobody was leaving this event hungry. The weight of this Mexican dish was equivalent to half an elephant.

Biggest gingerbread house

45 feet, six inches long, 35 feet, six inches wide and 60 feet tall. It required 14,250 lbs of gingerbread, 4,750 lbs of icing, and one ton of candy, and was built in the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minn. The house is actually 1,500 square feet. To put that in perspective, if this house was for sale in Brandon, it could quite easily fetch $200 000 according to homes currently for sale on the Brandon MLS. Not sure how your insurance company would respond to claims your home was destroyed by hungry neighbours ...

Biggest chicken strip

51.1 lbs, 3.25 x 2 ft, constructed by Empire Kosher in celebration of its 75th anniversary in Mifflintown, Penn. Empire Kosher is the largest producer of kosher poultry in the United States. It took more than three hours to cook and is the size of about 750 normal-sized nuggets. But where would you find a kiddies swimming pool full of sweet and sour sauce for dipping this bad boy?

Biggest chocolate bar

Weighed 12,770 lbs and 4.48 oz; 13 ft 1.48 in x 1 ft 1.78 in, and was made in Derbyshire, U.K. by candy company Thornton’s to celebrate 100 years of making chocolate. It took about 10 hours to fill the mould and another three days to cool the chocolate off. It’s hard enough to bite the ears off a solid Easter bunny, let alone a bar that thick! Where’s the world’s largest marshmallow and the world’s largest graham cracker when you need them? Smores anyone? As in Smores big enough to feed half the city?

So, there you have it — a few examples of food gone wild.

Make plans to join us Tuesday for some great good fun and fame. Amber says she’s gonna wear a white wedding-style dress, so she can prove how much she enjoyed all that poutine. I think she’s looking for sponsorship money from Tide when she gets those giant gravy stains out.

I plan on celebrating with — what else? — more poutine ... and some Rolaids. Just think, it’s not every day you can celebrate Canada Day with your hand on your heart, while experiencing that heart actually burning at the same time. Sniff, sniff — how Canadian is that?

See ya Tuesday, with my bib on. Happy Canada Day!

JOKE THIS WEEK

A little old lady gets home after a game of bridge with her friends and discovers she has nothing in the oven for dinner. All she can find is a tin of cat food, an egg, and a lettuce leaf.

There’s no time to go shopping, so she stirs the egg into the cat food, quickly cooks it in a pan, puts it on a plate and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf.

Her husband comes home, eats the meal and declares it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted.

Next week the old lady is playing bridge with her pals and she tells them about her culinary experiments.

"He seems to love cat food," she tells them. "He’s had egg and cat food every day this week. He can’t get enough of it."

"You can’t feed your husband cat food!" declares one of her friends. "You’ll kill him."

Sure enough, next week the old lady informs her friends that her husband has passed away.

"We told you cat food would kill him," says one.

"It had nothing to do with it," replies the old lady. "He died when he fell off the fence."

"What was he doing up there?" asks the friend.

The old lady replies, "He was trying to lick his backside."

BIRTHDAYS

Candy Lee Henderson

Kristen Cumming Empey

Barbara Popoff Draper

Peter Davey

Barb Donaldson

Krista Bouchard

Nickole Wlasichuk

Joey Tinant

Brianne Fulmore

Blair McKay

Clinton Pichie

Claudia Mathers

Keira Stephens

Mr. Pete Hocking

Stacey Hitchen

Andrew Kean

Republished from the Brandon Sun print edition June 28, 2014

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As of this morning, Brandon is known for the Wheat Kings, the Keystone Centre, Brandon University and ACC, CFB Shilo and the Flood of 2011.

We’re the Wheat City for one more weekend. Because Tuesday, it all changes.

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As of this morning, Brandon is known for the Wheat Kings, the Keystone Centre, Brandon University and ACC, CFB Shilo and the Flood of 2011.

We’re the Wheat City for one more weekend. Because Tuesday, it all changes.

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