Hey there, time traveller! This article was published 13/6/2014 (1161 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Father’s Day is tomorrow and most dads in western Manitoba can’t think of anything better than spending some alone-time in their man cave, watching TV and enjoying a cold one and a snack.
According to a new survey, 87 per cent of dads say they’d actually prefer to have a meal with their family over spending it in a man cave.
And another thing — you can forget about buying dad a tie. That clichéd Father’s Day gift is largely unwanted. Sixty-five per cent say they’d rather get no gift at all than receive another tie.
But let’s say money was no object and dad could get whatever he wants. Most would ask for a new car, followed by a boat or yacht. Ah, dreams.
Have you bought that special gift for dad yet? If not, maybe this Do-Not-Get-Dad list of gifts to stay away from will help.
That stupid annoying singing fish that goes on the wall:
A better idea: A gift certificate to a fishing store. Better yet, seafood if he’s into shrimp, salmon, etc.
A money clip:
They can’t hold everything the way a wallet can. So, get the wallet instead. A sports team wallet is awesome, especially leather. Just make sure it’s not a Bomber wallet if he’s a Rider fan and visa versa.
One of those BBQ Chef’s hats:
They look ridiculous. Better idea: some prime steaks. Aprons are not always a great idea either, unless you can once again find his favourite sports team.
A baseball cap:
Dads don’t have a shortage of these. Nice sunglasses would be a much better gift. And even though these are made for the sports fan, hats are a personal article of clothing for men. We have a favourite style and fit and we will wear it until it falls apart. Kinda like our underwear.
Any get-fit gadget:
Let’s not remind dad that he’s gained a little weight this year. Save that for a later time. Let him be happy on Father’s Day and not be all worried about what he looks like for the rest of the day. Bikini season will be here soon enough.
Anything that says "World’s Greatest Dad":
These seem cute and thoughtful, right? Wrong! We should be thinking about what he wants and this screams, "I waited until the last minute — hope you like it." If you absolutely must give him a gift like this, at least make it yourself. Unless you’re 30 and still living at home — you better get dad that yacht.
We asked our Facebook friends about gifts they thought "hit it out of the park" for dad in previous years, to help point us in the right direction:
Jenn Freaxx — Get an ice cream cake. Solved.
Will Standryk — I’m a father of two and say an ice cream cake would be a home run!
Robin Coombs — Last year I bought my husband a pro camera that he can use it in many different places. Actually he was quite taken aback by what a good present I got him.
Rick Shannacappo — Nothing like good fishing tackle and rod ... hint, hint.
Alannah Nordquist — Every year my dad and husband get early Father’s Day gifts — tickets to Lobsterfest!
Robin Woodfield — I got my husband, father to my kids, a new truck. His best father’s day so far.
No doubt, Robin — can’t wait to see what he gets for Christmas!
But if your budget is not quite as big as Robin’s, maybe you would settle for something cool, like a cooler. Not just any cooler, but a remote-controlled beer cooler.
A company called Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a remote-controlled, rolling beer cooler for just $59.95. It’s got wheels. It’s got a lining to keep your drinks cold. It can go on a porch. It can go in a living room. You can drive your beer to yourself and to your buddies.
How about the gift of free power for his smartphone? After four hours of sun, the Solio solar-powered charger is ready to rev up his cellphone, iPod, camera, game player, or GPS. Power it up the old-fashioned way on rainy days. The solar charger runs about $99.95.
Another cool idea is a gadget that tells dad when his steak is cooked to perfection, remotely (remotes and dads go together like bread and butter). A wireless belt-clip monitor, the Grill Alert Talking Remote Meat Thermometer announces when just about any meat is perfectly cooked. It sells for $69.95.
Then there’s bacon candles. Yankee Candle’s line of "Man Candles" will keep the smell of sizzling meat wafting into every corner of your dad’s man cave for months to come. It’s not quite as good as the real thing, but then, what is? The candles are $30.
Then there’s a good old meat pack or a bottle of his favourite whiskey. Any of the butcher shops in Brandon will put together a meat pack for dad, and it won’t cost you a fortune. Get some jerky, pepperettes and his favourite cut of steak for under $75.
A bottle of his favourite whiskey can run anywhere from $30 to $70 or higher.
Then there are gift cards. They are the fail-safe, go-to gift for any dad — just as long as they’re not for a scented-candle store your mom loves. Unless, of course, dad is into that sort of thing.
Hardware stores, outdoor stores or mall cards are always a safe bet. And it doesn’t hurt to write in the card, "If I only had the money to get you that yacht you wanted, we would be on the water right now."
Chances are he’ll smile and give you a hug. And tell you there’s no place he’d rather be than right there with you.
As long as he doesn’t have to scream it at you over the terrible noise of that singing wall fish.
Jo Anna Lynn Franco
Diane Ennis Desmarais
Dan TL Swintak
Pauline Faith Pratt
JOKE THIS WEEK
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!
But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.
With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left ... then to the right ... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."