Grief seminars resume in January

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This article was published 30/12/2021 (1719 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Updated Dec. 30 at 1 p.m.: Brockie Donovan’s first grief seminar will be held online only in January.

Offering hope and compassion to those living with loss, Brockie Donovan Funeral and Cremation Services will host a series of free grief seminars in the new year.

There are two things people need when they are healing from a loss: hope and self-compassion, according to grief seminar facilitator Shelley Wray.

“I think people come [to seminars] for the first time because you have that overwhelming, desperate need to do something. You know your life is not working the way it is and you need to do something. I think people come back time and time again because they are finding within them the answers that they need,” Wray said. “They’re finding that they are courageous. They’re finding that they do have the facility within them.”

While life will never be the same after the death of a loved one, the seminars are designed to help people learn they can live happily in the future.

“They are strong. And this is my own opinion — people need to be noted for staying strong and for being strong and for walking through the most horrible thing that’s ever going to happen in your life. You may be fragile, but you’re strong.”

The grief seminars will begin Jan. 19 at 7 p.m. with “Commitments I Will Make to Myself to Heal.” The seminars take place monthly at Brockie Donovan until April. Last September, the seminars resumed for the first time since March 2020.

Registration and proof of vaccination will be needed to attend the seminars, and the number of participants will be limited. The seminars are subject to change based on COVID-19 public health measures and participants’ comfort levels.

In the event in-person seminars are not possible, videos of Wray speaking, livestreams or teleconferences may be used.

It remains critical to protect the health of those in attendance because grief is an all-encompassing emotion that affects people in mind and body, said Brockie Donovan aftercare and community events co-ordinator Kelly Lumbard.

Supporting people who are experiencing grief is an essential service in the city.

“At the funeral, the grief just begins. You’re so busy arranging a service and all the overwhelming feelings that one has can be just too much for someone to take in,” Lumbard said. “But when everyone has gone home after the funeral, it really sets in your body, in your home and in your mind. You become very debilitated.”

The seminars serve as a place to foster community and recognize others who are going through a similar experience, helping alleviate the sense of isolation created by grief.

During seminars, participants will learn about self-care, social supports, spiritual needs, physical wellness and other steps of healing. Wray said the ultimate goal is to encourage compassionate care for oneself.

“People are surprised when we talk about those things because, I think, we all feel weak, burned out, sad and like we can’t cope, and now you’re sitting with a room full of people and we’re talking about taking care of yourself,” Wray said.

Grief can be tricky to navigate because there are societal standards built around a timeline of four weeks to get affairs in order and move on. The seminars encourage people to understand their grief experience is unique to them and however they are choosing to heal is correct based on their needs.

“You need to take care of yourself,” Lumbard said. “I think people find solace in all of those things knowing that they are not doing this wrong.”

She added that during the seminars, they strive to keep the experience as anonymous as possible. Guests will be asked to wear a name tag with their first name, but they can share as much or as little of their story as they choose.

They have seen great progress in the people who attend the seminars from their first visit to their final visit. Wray added she isn’t aware of other aftercare in the community aside from the Brockie Donovan grief seminars.

“I believe that the grief seminars help people move into that after-care space where they see that there’s actually hope,” Wray said.

Another positive aspect of the seminars is community-building. Grief brings people together, creating a supportive network.

“Any kind of loss, and although those losses are different and they’ll affect the individuals differently, based on who that person was in their life, they’re there [at the seminar] because they need it and because grief is universal,” Lumbard said.

“It is the one thing that unites every single human on this earth. We are all going to lose our parents, our siblings, our spouses. I’m glad we don’t focus on that every day, but I think our society has to do better to talk about it.”

» ckemp@brandonsun.com

» Twitter: @The_ChelseaKemp