Caring for aging parents with dementia

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This article was published 21/01/2025 (290 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Brandon’s Doug Adams and his twin brother just turned 60, and say they share more than the same birthday. It’s the care and concern they have for their 90-year-old mother Ada who has dementia.

“We — my brother Dave and I, just noticed that mom was beginning to repeat things and there was a bit of forgetting, that kind of thing, and it just became more prevalent,” said Adams.

“So, we wanted to have her assessed to have a baseline that would help us determine whether things were progressing, or if they were stable,” he said.

More than 20,300 Manitobans currently live with dementia. And that number is expected to reach 39,100 by 2050, according to the Alzheimer Society of Manitoba website.

Dementia is the umbrella term for any degenerative brain changes that gradually get worse over time and eventually make it harder to function independently.

Adams said his mother Ada has been a widow for 20 years and is a former schoolteacher who led a very active life with church groups and organizations — and still has a sharp wit and sense of humour. She lives with the older twin Dave, in a house across the street from Doug, so that along with home care, they can “tag-team her care.”

“It was worrisome for us because you don’t want to tell your mother that she’s having memory issues, and maybe going down the path that grandma did,” Adams said.

“So, we’ve never really said that to her, but it’s a fine line. And you just want her to be comfortable and happy and enjoy life the best that she can.”

It was when Adams went to the Alzheimer Society’s Westman office in Brandon for an unrelated matter, that he noticed some pamphlets. He mentioned that he and his brother were caring for their mom who was in the early stages of dementia, and staff suggested they sign up for a support group.

“They’re a wealth of information and provide so many resources and ideas that you can use to help your situation,” Adams said.

“You know, for a little while you’re sort of in denial. You think this can’t be happening, or we can manage this just fine, we don’t need to do this.”

“But you come away feeling better after the sessions, because you realize your situation is not maybe as difficult as you thought, or you’ve got a new idea that you can try. It’s helpful,” he added.

The Adams brothers have been going to a monthly support group that includes clients who have dementia, along with their spouses.

But on Jan. 27, they’ll be attending a new meeting, specifically geared towards adult children who are caring for a parent living with dementia. It’s scheduled for the fourth Monday of every month with a start time of 5:30 p.m., at the Westman Regional Office, Unit 4B, 457 Ninth St. in downtown Brandon.

People who want to register can contact the Westman Regional co-ordinators, Christine Jefferies or Brenda Smith, at 204-729-8320.

The main message that Jessica Harper with the Alzheimer Society of Manitoba said she wants people to know is “You are not alone.” Harper is senior manager of the non-profit’s First Link Client Support.

“We’re really that lifeline of support for individuals and families,” she said.

When most people think of dementia, memory loss is the most common sign or symptom that comes to mind, she said.

“Dementia is much more than memory loss. It actually impacts a lot more of someone’s functioning and day-to-day abilities,” said Harper.

“It can impact someone’s ability to approach familiar tasks, decision-making, skills, judgment, reasoning. So, overall, it impacts much more than memory loss.”

Along with support groups, the Alzheimer Society offers Minds in Motion every Thursday afternoon in Brandon from 1:30 to 3:30 p.m. at Seniors for Seniors, 311 Park Ave. East.

It’s a gentle chair fitness class for people with early to moderate signs of dementia, to attend with a family member or friend.

Additionally, there are online education sessions that cover topics, such as income tax and other financial matters, understanding responsive behaviours, life and long-term care and conversations about driving.

But if someone just needs a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to bend, Harper said, “Don’t hesitate to call.”

“If they’re experiencing a tough day, a tough scenario, if they’re looking for information, support, or they are just genuinely looking for someone to talk to about the potential stresses, struggles and challenges that come with caring for someone who’s living with dementia to give us a call.”

“That’s what we’re here for. We can help walk you through that tough day and help walk alongside you throughout the journey with dementia.” Adams said he and his brother have created a daily journal to ease their mom’s questions like, “What are we doing today?” and are cognizant never to correct her, and to keep her routine “as normal as possible.”

“It’s important to try and keep that social interaction going. Mom is 90, soon will be 91 and of course, many of her friends have died,” said Adams.

“So, our friends have become her friends, and we include her in the social activities and things that we are involved in, and it gives her a new lease,” he said.“She may not always engage in the conversation, but she will enjoy the moment and participates when she’s able. And always interjects with her sense of humour and quick wit.”

» mmcdougall@brandonsun.com

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