Morning Mess — Brandonites bracing for feeding frenzy

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/09/2017 (3188 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Gone are the days when we just had the Chip Truck. I loved that truck, and still do. The “original meals on wheels” that could be parked anywhere in Brandon. Anywhere in Westman. Serving up those hot and tasty french fries from the corner of any city street or an open field at any Westman fair.

Thankfully, they and other pioneers in the food truck business are still around, and doing just fine. But now, the competition has gotten fierce. And while locally we’ve seen a handful of other food trucks over the years join the chorus of fast food on wheels, across the province, more and more entrepreneurs are taking the leap, by pimping out some amazing rides.

They’re putting deep fryers, kitchen grills and amazing kitchen talents on the road to make some cash and satisfy hungry people with a combination of fair food and food fit for any episode of “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.” And this weekend, some of the best in the province will be right here in Brandon.

And just like last month when ribs were on everyone’s mind and barbecue sauce was on everyone’s fingers, FOOD will once again rule the Wheat City, and smiles will be everywhere. Bathroom scales will act more like slot machines with their racing numbers, sweat pants will be the dress code, and diets will officially die for 48 hours. Make way for the first Food Truck Warz in Brandon.

Saturday from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. and Sunday from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. in the Victoria Inn parking lot, food trucks will pack the lot, representing Ukrainian, El Salvadoran, and Mexican, Japanese fusion, Caribbean, barbecue and pizza. Look for tons of poutine and lots of traditional fair food, and the event even promises a healthy food truck, although I would suspect lineups for the celery and Cheez Whiz to be a bit shorter than the bacon slammed cheddar and mozza explosion poutine.

And while there will be limited seating, it’s best you bring your own sturdy lawn chair. Your finest extra welded, steel re-enforced, indestructible, titanium-rod-supported, two-tonne capacity lawn chair. Food Truck Warz is a rain or shine event, with local DJs lined up, including DJ Red and DJ XSTATIK, as well as a few bouncy castles for the children.

This topic has me starving. Is it the weekend yet? When taking in Food Truck Warz, you may want to get a business card or two if you or someone you know is getting married sometime soon. I wasn’t joking earlier when I was telling you more brides and grooms are using them to serve food at their wedding receptions. For couples who are looking to a fun, relaxed alternative to a formal, sit-down meal, food trucks are a great choice.

There are some limitations to having your wedding reception catered by a food truck though. They can’t serve everyone at once and they usually don’t come with linens and servers. But guests can grab a drink and mingle while they wait for their turn and the happy couple can always hire wait staff to clear and clean up. I’m an “informal” kind of guy myself, so I love the idea, but for many brides, the traditional cutlery, with glass plates is the way to go. But as someone who has emceed hundreds of weddings and has had to come up with dozens of agonizing ways to get people fed as creatively as possible, just think of how you don’t have

to agonize over seating arrangements. It takes a lot of stress out of the event planning.

And if the bride and groom prefer a traditional seated dinner, but still want the fun of a food truck, they can always hire one to do desserts instead.

But beware. If you’re like me, your summer can lead you from the Summer Fair’s incredible array of food, to the Red River Ex, to the State Fair, to Ribfest, and now to Food Truck Warz, with a plethora of barbecue food with family and friends in between. Oh, summer. Most of us eat more junk food than we should. And sometimes those high fat, salty and sometimes sweet delights can be a sign of more than bad judgment — for some people, fast food and fair food can be a full-blown addiction. Here are some signs we’re past fast food/fair food cravings and have moved to the point where we can’t live without it.

• You crave junk food first thing in the morning — If you’re really addicted to something, your body starts to crave it when you withdrawal from your last fix. If you’re reaching for a corn dog at 6 a.m. or have a special feed of poutine before your morning jog, you may have a problem. I’m not judging you, but your neighbours are, when you go running with the sunrise and gravy on your face and on your shirt.

• You have headaches several times a week — A headache might be your body telling you something’s wrong, and it could be your body getting used to too much salt, sugar, fat and artificial colours and sweeteners. But it could also be your brain saying “why don’t you treat me like you do on the weekends. I like that fried stuff and my receptors light up like Las Vegas every time you have it. Don’t you love your brain anymore?” I love my brain, so pass the nachos.

• You crave sweet or salty foods even when you’re not hungry — Junk food addicts don’t just reach for it when they’re hungry — they eat it to deal with headaches, being tired, or jittery. Doesn’t junk food fix all problems? Breakup with that great person? Cheese cake is the answer. Tough day at work? Double cheese pizza and twisty bread. Financial problems got you down? How about a double cheeseburger …times two. Thank God we have free health care. Isn’t solving our emotional problems with food what being Canadian is all about? Pass the poutine.

• You can’t have just one slice, piece, or bite. If it’s open, you consume the entire package — Food scientists work hard to reach the bliss point on salty and sugary treats, so they know how to make us crave those unhealthy snacks. But if this is so bad, then why don’t they put warnings on the package like with cigarettes or booze? You know why? It’s OK to have it all, that’s why. If it wasn’t, there would be a graphic picture of someone getting a gastric bypass (similar to the graphic pics you see on cigarettes) along with a warning saying “finish this bag of chips and your stomach could be the next one getting stapled. DO NOT eat the whole bag.” Uh is that warning there? No, which means as long as you run a small marathon to burn off the fat and calories, it’s just fine. And I’ll run mine … in … 2024.

OK, well on that note, I will help lead you all to rehab for fast food/fair food as soon as possible. And by “as soon as possible” I actually mean Monday. After we indulge in a great weekend of food, and something exciting and new for Brandon. In the meantime, try to find that titanium-reinforced chair and I’ll go hunting for my pants with the drawstring on them.

Joke This Week

A table of Scandinavian-looking men had been eating their goodies they bought at a food truck at a group of picnic tables in a parking lot.

It wasn’t long before another “Scandinavian”-looking man walked over to tables to ask: “Are you finished?”

They replied, “No, we’re Swedish … but you can sit and join us anyway.”

Birthdays

• Lauren Heather Dixon • Brett Mann • Rosana Neufeld • Lisa Kosior • Cheryl Kukurudz • Jennifer Sutherland • Carolyn Learmonth • Melanie McDonald • Linda Johnston

» Tyler Glen is a radio DJ on Star-FM. He writes a weekly column for the Brandon Sun. Twitter: @Tyler_Glen