Morning Mess: Kinder no longer contraband

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/03/2013 (4790 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Easter Sunday kids around the world will get up and see what the Eater Bunny left them, many will eat chocolate for breakfast and most will have the biggest fill of sweets since Halloween. But still NO Kinder Surprise chocolate egg for American kids.

Why should anyone care if the Kinder is available to our neighbours?

Here’s why.

Many of us with friends and or relatives south of the border might get Kinder Eggs as gifts. Three years ago, in one of my first columns, I explained at great length the junk food that isn’t available to Americans and how much fun it is to take those foods to share. That was until I found out what kind of trouble I could get into for taking the Kinder across the line. Kids of my friend in Minot absolutely LOVED the Kinder eggs I brought for them and so she went online to find out why they couldn’t get them. I got a frantic email telling me to stop brining them down, for fear I could land in some serious hot water.

For a chocolate egg with a toy inside?

Yet knives on planes are ok, the right to bear arms complete with a holster is no problem, but an innocent egg for kids — no way. Maybe not jail, but a rather big fine.

Last Easter, Chris Sweeney was driving home to Seattle from Vancouver when he was stopped at the border for more than two hours for their “suspicious cargo.” Half a dozen Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection told him he could be fined $15,000 for bringing the treats into the US. The American government believes candy with toys inside should be made for kids of all ages, not just kids over the age of three.

In 1938, Congress passed a law to protect kids from candy makers who might put toys in their stuff just to sell more candy. The fear was that kids under three would choke. The Kinder says on it: Not recommended for kids under three without parental supervision. Since the Kinder eggs are also only safe for kids three and up, it violates a government requirement that all candy-encased toys be safe for children of all ages. But still, apparently more than 60,000 are seized at the border each year, with penalties up to $2,500 per egg.

Over the years I personally could be on the hook for 25 large. Sharing a bit of Canadianna is fun, but not fun enough to go to jail or pay $25,000 to Uncle Sam.

Enter New Jersey’s Candy Treasure company to save the day. This year, for the first time, American kids can have the next best thing to a Kinder Surprise Egg. A New Jersey company has just “created” a new kind of chocolate surprise egg called Choco Treasure. What makes Choco Treasures different from Kinder is a collection of all ages toys. No small pieces that have to be put together. But beware — other treats you might want to share are a big no-no.

Everyone knows you shouldn’t take fruit or veggies south, but here are five other things you should never try and take into the USA, because they’re banned:

HAGGIS

Winter Festival favourite can’t be shared. After all, it’s made with sheep innards, including the intestines, heart and lungs. There is a ban in the U.S. on all food made with lungs? I think U.S. Customs agents secretly love haggis. This way they can confiscate lunch and keep America safe from Scottish food villains.

CHICKEN SOUP

U.S. Customs and Border Protection says any prepared food containing meat products, including “soup mixes” is not allowed in the U.S. Sorry, Grandma, can’t help you with that cold, because it might be dangerous bringing you some welcome winter relief. Copies of Chicken Soup for the Soul must be imported as “Hot Broth without Meat” for the soul.

CUBAN CIGARS

The U.S. has an embargo with Cuba, meaning Americans shouldn’t travel there and stuff from Cuba is illegal to import. If you’re under 30, you’ll have to Google the Cold War and communism to get the background on it. Apparently even buying Cuban cigars here in Canada is frowned upon. But be warned: anyone caught trying to find a way around the embargo can be fined as much as $55,000 and probably jail time. They dislike Cuba so much Cuba Gooding Jr. would have hard time getting back into the U.S.

ABSINTHE

The reason the drink was so notorious was because of an ingredient called wormwood, which contains the chemical thujone and can reportedly cause hallucinations. While most commercial versions don’t contain wormwood, some still do. Absinthe with traces of this chemical is still banned. Drinking too much of anything can make you “Absinthe minded.” Ouch — bad joke.

AUTHENTIC ITALIAN/UKRAINIAN MEATS

To eat salami, prosciutto and headcheese it has to be slaughtered and produced in the U.S. So even though Baba makes the best headcheese on earth, U.S. Border staffers lunch now consists of confiscated haggis and headcheese, followed with chicken soup and absinthe to drink and for desert a Kinder and a Cuban.

So no need to try and import a Kinder this weekend, with Choco Treasures for sale. And while the novelty of getting a surprise inside your chocolate egg is not exclusive to Canadians in North America anymore, the Kinder remains on the watch list for border services. In the meantime, I’ll stick to taking maple syrup, Smarties and ketchup chips across the border when I go to see friends. And you’ve been warned: Kinder is still not welcome in America. However guns are never a problem. Happy Easter.

JOKE THIS WEEK

After the big egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the youngest boy on the farm decided to play a little prank on all of the chickens, as with little else to do he enjoyed confusing the animals to amuse himself. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single brown egg with a brightly coloured one from the hunt.

A few minutes later the rooster walked in and saw all of the coloured eggs, then stormed outside and strangled the peacock.

BIRTHDAYS

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