Online fun with Ohtani free-agent saga

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/01/2024 (705 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Twitter, or X, as owner Elon Musk has renamed it, can be wonderful, or it can be an annoyance. A plethora of crap is displayed on the social media site, but there’s also a lot of valuable information that can be fulfilling. Or useless.

But X really came to life a couple of weeks before Christmas, before Shohei Ohtani had made his decision where to sign his free-agent contract and when the hottest rumour in baseball had Ohtani perhaps inking a pact with the Toronto Blue Jays; sports fans in Canada couldn’t get enough from Twitter.

Someone in California on that day, Dec. 8, spotted an aviation note from the John Wayne Airport in Anaheim, whereby a private jet was taking off, destined for Toronto. That’s all it took for the Ohtani-to-the-Blue Jays hype to surge into overdrive.

Hookah Doncic tried to put water on the rumour fire, saying: “He lives in Seattle in the off-season.”

Talkin Baseball weighed in: “Shohei Ohtani is travelling to Toronto today. He has not signed a contract with any team at this time, per @jonmorosi.”

Said Ben Verlander: “The plane from Anaheim to Toronto is currently the most tracked airplane in the world. And not a single soul tracking it has any idea if it’s Shohei or not.”

Alden Gonzales had a submission: “Source: Shohei Ohtani has not made a decision yet. That’s not to say it won’t ultimately be the Blue Jays; my understanding is that, at this point, that decision has not been made.”

Said Matt: “We all know where he’s going to end up,” as he posted a picture of Ohtani in a Rays’ uniform.

Said John: “He’s going to the Cubs. I talked to him the other day.”

Now it was Etherfuse’s turn: “He’s just trying to decide which Dodger hat he likes the best.”

Some humour from Mike Petriello: “A direct flight from LA to London is about to arrive, indicating Ohtani is about to sign with Arsenal.”

More humour, from Joseph Garino: “Source: Shohei Ohtani will be making his decision at Four Seasons Landscaping later today.”

Clarence Fraser added fuel: “Yusei Kikuchi (Jays’ Japanese pitcher) reserves entire upscale sushi restaurant near Rogers Centre for tonight. Reservation for 50-plus people. Make of it what you will.”

Countered Spencer: “That was a surprise party for his wife. Thanks a lot.”

And then Vancouver humourist Steve Burgess did what he does best: “When out in right field there arose such a clatter; I ran to home base to see what was the matter; When what to my wondering eyes did appear; But Shohei Ohtani in full Blue Jays gear!”

Of course, we now know Ohtani signed a 10-year contract the next day with the Dodgers for US$700 million (almost $1 billion Canadian) and Twitter will be quieter from here on in. (The plane, by the way, was carrying Canadian millionaire Robert Herjavec, a regular on the TV show “Shark Tank.”)

OUT OF BOUNDS

• Jack Finarelli at his sportscurmudgeon.com site, on a TV commercial where Peyton Manning tosses cans of Bud Light to patrons throughout the bar: “Can you imagine the clean-up mess in that bar as about 50 people open cans of Bud Light that have been thrown to them that they caught — presumably on the fly? That establishment will smell of stale beer for a month after that event.”

• Late night funnyman Jimmy Kimmel, carrying on the public feud with NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers: “Rodgers got two As on his report card, and they were both in his first name.”

• Jason Gay of the Wall Street Journal, on former Patriots’ coach Bill Belichick’s sideline demeanour: “Belichick looked like a grumpy lobster boat captain, grimacing on the New England sideline like he’s miles from shore in a storm.”

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel: “Is it time for Jacksonville Jaguars fans to come to the realization that Trevor Lawrence is much closer to being Jon Kitna than John Elway?”

• Another one from Bianchi, on Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh and allegations of wrongdoing: “If you believe Harbaugh and his coaching staff are innocent, you probably also believe there are a bunch of crime-fighting Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles living in the sewers beneath New York City.”

• Headline at fark.com: “NCAA president: ‘Because we told you Michigan was cheating, that means that they won fair and square.’”

• RJ Currie of sportsdeke.com: “While watching team USA win the World Junior Hockey championship at a friend’s, nobody noticed his Labrador eating the Christmas tree trimmings. Now the vet says the dog has tinselitis.”

• Headline at the onion.com: “Bob Kraft: We’re Already Searching Through Insane Asylums For A Possible Belichick Replacement”

• Headline at fark.com, after New England owner Robert Kraft promoted linebackers’ coach Jerod Mayo to head coach, replacing Bill Belichick: “Kraft holds the Mayo.”

• Bob Molinaro of pilotonline.com (Hampton, Va.): “While cranky, conspiracy-minded Aaron Rodgers should be fit for a tinfoil helmet, his Jets teammates voted him their ‘most inspirational player for 2023.’ Rodgers, you may recall, was on the field for four plays. We’re not expected to understand.”

» Care to comment? Email brucepenton2003@yahoo.ca