Morning Mess — I swear, all this cursing is a bit much

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/03/2017 (3321 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

“Fuddle Duddle” happened two years before I was born, but amazingly enough, it’s a part of my Canadian history lesson I find quite easy to recall. The prime minister of Canada, leader of our nation in Parliament and in Ottawa, apparently in frustration, mouthed two words, one with an F, and the second word of which started with O. The uproar.

Then, on Dec. 14, 2011, it happened again, when son Justin shouted out the words “piece of s–t” when the environment minister criticized Megan Leslie for not attending a conference on climate change, even though the government banned opposition MPs from going. But it’s not just politicians. It’s athletes and movie stars. From the change room to the corner store, it happens to almost everyone. Swearing. Cursing. Cussing. But why? With so much cursing in the world, it’s amazing it still maintains its effect. There are a lot of words that are offensive, but they aren’t curse words. Just listen to the lyrics of today’s hardcore rap songs and you’ll hear words that aren’t swear words, but too many could be deeply offensive. Language experts theorize that swear words have “a cluster of characteristics.” And while shock and offence may be one, the other is to “vent emotion.” Swearing also centres on taboos, which is why our colourful language is often about either bathroom activity, bedroom activity or church activity.

I’m an emotional curser. Swearer. I’m not sure how to describe someone who occasionally uses vulgar language to often emphasis point or communicate more effectively, but that can be me, and it can be shocking. Especially when people are used to my G or PG content on the radio. To switch that to R in a small group or one-on-one can often raise an eyebrow, but more often than not it works. I don’t do it just to do it, but it does happen. Not only do I like to think it helps me communicate, but it helps me be honest. And I’m not alone. Scientists from the University of Cambridge recently surveyed 276 people about their most commonly used swear words and how often they say or write them. The test also measured the participants’ honesty with questions about blaming others, cheating at games and taking advantage of people. And surprise, surprise: Those who used salty language the most lied the least. Essentially, if you drop a few F-bombs, you’re probably not too worried about making yourself look better in front of other people. What’s more? The benefits of swearing are good, too.

It can decrease pain

The emotional release from swearing has been measured, and it turns out that swearing helps relieve pain. It is easier to keep an arm in ice-cold water for longer if you are simultaneously cussing. And those who speak more than one language, report that swearing in their first language is more satisfying and carries a bigger emotional punch. This is why your lips are blue every time you hit your thumb with a hammer. You can’t help it. It’s one part anger and one part instant pain relief. Think of it as free pain meds courtesy of your foul mouth.

It can help you fit in

In some workplace cultures obscenities can build bonds between employees. I’ve also read that swearing can help with bonding. A few blue words, uttered in a good-natured way, indicates and encourages intimacy. Now don’t go trying this at your workplace if you just got a job as a secretary in your local church. Again, know your audience!

It can win you an argument

Peppering in profanity can also help you make a stronger, more effective point. However, colourful language used in name-calling is not going to win any argument. And throwing an F-bomb toward the CEO may not be a great idea. However, if one slips out, point him or her to that study that says people who swear are perceived as more trustworthy than those who are less potty-mouthed. And if that doesn’t work, tell him you’re “honestly” sorry.

• • •

I’m not trying to turn every Westman workplace into a foul mouth free-for-all, so remember, for most people, cursing is still something that is frowned upon. It happens from time to time in many situations and is not the end of the world. But anything harassing or degrading or racially sexually offensive is always off-limits and always unacceptable. We’re talking the occasional BS, maybe an F flat or a GD here. Stuff that might be uttered in the heat of a Wheat Kings game or a bowling alley between friends. Not an Andrew Dice Clay skit from the 1990s. Don’t YouTube it; it’s beyond offensive by today’s standards. And after writing this week’s column, I’ll try to do better. I’ll only do it when absolutely necessary and I’ll try to remember to use words like “golly” and “gee” and “gosh darn” and “baloney.” Not the same. Kinda like non-alcohol beer, but I’ll try. After all, few like a foul mouth at 30,000 feet. Tonight, I get ready to jet off with almost 80 Westman travellers going to Ixtapa on this year’s Star Jet Vacation with Marlin Travel. And low and behold, cursing made the top 10 worst airplane behaviours this travel season. According to a survey of U.K. vacation travellers (which could easily translate here), the worst culprit on the flight is the person who reclines their seat all the way back, with 63 per cent of travellers choosing them as their most hated fellow passenger. Meanwhile coming in second with 55 per cent of the vote is the armrest hogger who firmly plants their arms on the armrest and never moves it. Are you going on a warm holiday in the coming weeks? Watch out for these bad behaviours. And if you’re one of these people, for %^%$# sakes, behave yourself:

Top 10 worst behaviours of ‘plane strangers’

• Seat recliners (63%)

• Armrest hoggers (55%)

• Being rude to the cabin crew (53%)

• Passengers who bring carry-ons that are too big (49%)

• Passengers talking too loudly (43%)

• Running to be the first in line to get on the plane (40%)

• Constantly getting up to get things from their carry-ons (34%)

• Putting their feet in the gaps between chairs (33%)

• Swearing without considering who is around them (24%)

• Hogging the window and blocking the view (19%)

Rules, rules, rules! OK, now off I go to Mexico. Have a great week and watch for an update next Thursday from my “typewriter in the sand.” And I won’t swear on the plane while putting my seat back and hogging the armrest. Or maybe I will.

JOKE THIS WEEK

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out: “Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!”

Pa replies: “There ain’t nuthin’ wrong with the outhouse.”

Ma yells back: “Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.”

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back: “Ma! There ain’t nuthin’ wrong with the outhouse!”

Ma replies: “Stick yur head in the hole!”

Pa yells back: “I ain’t stickin’ my head in that hole!”

Ma says: “Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix.”

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back: “Ma! There ain’t nuthin’ wrong with this outhouse!”

Ma hollers back: “Now take your head out of the hole!”

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling: “&*$% Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the #&@! toilet seat!”

To which Ma replies: “Hurts, don’t it?!”

BIRTHDAYS

Tanya Ross • Leanne Holovach Bily • Nancy Adema • Kory Stebeleski • Tyler Turner • Sami Bishop • Tracy Webber • Ty Mauws • Rich Pentney • Becky Fleming • Eva Wasney

» Tyler Glen is a radio DJ on Star-FM. He writes a weekly column for the Brandon Sun.