City’s memorial debate was a very necessary one

The parents of 15-year-old Antoine Sutherland were given another opportunity to honour their son’s memory and his legacy last Friday as they helped unveil a memorial at the site of the crash that took his life.

In an emotional morning ceremony that drew friends and supporters, Brandon’s mayor and some city councillors as well as several of Antoine’s former high school classmates, his mother Nicole Sutherland and father Alazar Asrat gave voice to the agonizing sadness of losing him, while urging drivers to slow down on city streets.

“I know Antoine would have been the first person to forgive what happened that day, and so I try to focus more on honouring his legacy, keeping his name out there, his memory,” Nicole said on Friday morning. “His spirit is so strong, and I miss him so much, but I’m so thankful for the impact that he had … and that I got to be his mom.”

Antoine, a 15-year-old Vincent Massey High School student, was killed at the Victoria Avenue and McDiarmid Drive crosswalk on Oct. 5, 2023 after being struck by a motorist.

Sutherland, Asrat and city officials revealed the commemorative plaque hung on the pole of the pedestrian corridor that reads, “Drive safely. In memory of Antoine Aklilu Sutherland.”

As the Sun has reported, Antoine’s was the first roadside memorial featuring the plaque in Brandon following the approval of a new city policy in December that requires the removal of items such as flowers and personal mementos for traffic safety once the plaque is placed.

The policy outlines that plaques are put at the site of a fatality for up to five years before they are given to the victim’s family.

When the city first announced this policy late last year, Nicole was horrified at what the city was considering.

“Why does there even have to be a policy about something like that? That’s what I don’t understand. There’s more important things that we need policy on than a memorial with flowers,” she told the Sun in December. “I just think that’s disgusting to try and control how long a family can put flowers at a site.”

It’s an understandable reaction from a family that has gone through an unbearable amount of grief.

But the makeshift memorial of ribbons and artificial flowers that had spontaneously created at the crosswalk where Antoine was killed had been there for more than two years. And councillors were becoming concerned that the well-intentioned memorial had itself become a distraction on the road, and could lead to other collisions.

To our minds, the debate around the council table last December was a necessary one.

In November last year, the city apologized to families after staff had taken down personal items at the Brandon Municipal Cemetery without notice under the provisions of a bylaw. The bylaw had not been followed in years, leading many people with loved ones interred at the cemetery to leave items at gravesites.

That public relations misstep by the city had prompted Coun. Kris Desjarlais (Ward 2) to bring up roadside memorials, asking how long flowers and sentimental objects should be allowed to be near a site.

Coun. Jason Splett (Ward 8) had argued that without proper regulations on roadside memorials in the city, sites like these “could turn into quite an ornate area.”

“I think we need to make sure that we’re mindful of other motorists as well because we definitely don’t want a second accident at those places,” Splett said at the time.

Nicole Sutherland admitted on Friday that she was initially upset when the policy was first proposed, but said she had come to recognize the distraction that memorials with flowers and decorations could be.

Further, she said it means a lot to have the plaque honouring her son at the intersection, and told the small audience gathered that the decisions drivers make have an impact on individuals, families and communities.

It can be especially difficult for city staff and elected officials alike to make decisions that affect the resting places of friends and family who have died, or the memories that parents still hold for lost children.

To their credit, city council and members of the city’s administration have clearly made a significant effort to reach out to Antoine’s family in order to explain the reasoning for their policy changes.

The compassionate handling of this situation has turned what could have been another public relations ordeal into a more positive memory for a grieving family, and a safer roadway for motorists and pedestrians alike.