Morming Mess: Movie stars shine bright in Westman

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This article was published 03/09/2015 (3932 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

I wonder what a movie star’s reaction is when they sign a movie contract in Hollywood, only to read the fine print regarding the “on location” portion of making the film.

Not all movies require an actor to leave Hollywood; in fact, some might be lucky enough to not even leave a studio backlot. Then there’s the movie that needs an authentic scene in New York or Paris. Often times Puerto Rico will stand in for the jungle, even Hawaii.

But when actors like Paul Walker or Russell Crowe or Dennis Quaid sign their contracts, and see the location to be a place called “western Manitoba,” I wonder what they think.

This week, Dennis Quaid added his name to a short list of well-known movie stars, who in the last few years have had their movies bring them to Westman. But before we think it best to mob poor Mr. Quaid, hang on. Step back and breathe. He’s not the first bankable star to come to the area — and probably won’t be the last.

While dozens of films are made in the province each year, some are certainly more familiar than others. So I did a bit of research thanks to the industry site IMDB.com, and came up with the six movies, starring the six biggest actors to ever set foot in Westman. Please let me know if I missed one.

6. “One Week” (2008) — starred Joshua Jackson from “Dawson’s Creek.” Filmed in Virden, Carman and Glenboro.

5. “Edge of Madness” (2002) — starred Paul Johansson of “One Tree Hill” fame and Caroline Dhavernas, Dr. Alana Bloom from “Hannibal.” Part of this movie took place in Minnedosa.

4. “For the Moment” (1993) — starred Russell Crowe in one of his first on-screen performances. The Brandon airport served as the backdrop for this movie, along with Grand Beach and Winnipeg.

3. “The Lazarus Project” (2008) — starred Paul Walker from the “Fast and the Furious” franchise. ACC’s North Hill campus was used in the movie featuring scenes with the star.

2. “The Lookout” (2007) — starred Joseph Gordon-Levitt from “Third Rock from the Sun” and Jeff Daniels of “Dumb and Dumber” and “The Newsroom.” Although filmed mostly in Winnipeg, Hartney’s museum was the bank in the movie.

1. “Goon” (2011) — starring Seann William Scott, or “Stiffler” from the “American Pie” series. You can easily recognize hockey shots filmed at Westman Place in the Keystone Centre.

And now we can add “A Dog’s Purpose” and Dennis Quaid to a growing list of movies filmed in here.

And since this is not the first big movie star to walk in our midst, and most certainly won’t be the last, I’ve come up with a quick list of dos and don’ts when it comes to dealing with these Hollywood heavyweights.

After all, while we are likely to see some big stars again, it’s not every day someone so famous joins us in this little corner of the world.

• Doact normal.

• Don’t go completely crazy with giddy excitement. Even though you’ve seen every movie he/she made, flipping out just embarrasses everyone. Later you’ll reflect on how much hair you pulled out of your head, and the movie star will reflect on how hard it was to get a restraining order.

• Do ask about things they’ve done while here.

• Don’t ask a celebrity to endorse your stuff. It’s one thing to fix a flat tire for a movie star stuck at the side of the road; quite another to drive your perogy truck onto the set of his movie, with a blow horn telling everyone how your authentic “Manitoba Perogies” are the best, and “the first taste is free.” Getting a picture with a celebrity eating/using/buying your stuff is not an endorsement. Using one as such will get you something big in return, though — a giant court case.

• Do ask if a spouse was lucky enough to make the trip, and then ask how said spouse is enjoying their stay.

• Don’t ask the star on a date and hit on him/her if they’re travelling alone. It’s great that Brandon is getting some Hollywood attention, but it would not be great if we were getting TMZ attention. And if you hope to be a Hollywood homewrecker, you best be aware that it’s not just the stars who have good lawyers. Besides, we want these stars to know we’ll give them the shirt off our backs — just not the actual shirt ripped off while dancing with them in a club.

• Do politely ask for an autograph — if you have pen and paper handy.

• Don’t ask for an autograph, then ask, “Gotta pen?” Stars don’t walk around waiting to give autographs. And they aren’t an office supply store. Please try to be understanding if he won’t sign your boob because you don’t have paper. And forgive her if she won’t sign your magazine if you didn’t bring a pen. Be prepared. Or just snap a pic.

• Do tell them what a big fan you are and tell them how special it is they’re here.

• Don’t get movie roles mixed up, or mistake the star for a sibling. This is a problem I might have with Mr. Quaid. Problem is I’m a HUGE fan of his brother, and wouldn’t want to call him Randy by mistake, even though they couldn’t be more different. Same with his movies. Better get them straight when complimenting him. “Mr. Quaid, I loved when you said S***’er was full in ‘Christmas Vacation!’”

• Do ask them if they have someone in production showing them the sites and sounds of the area. Recommend our best tourist sites.

• Don’t ask them to your house. Although some might, in fact, want to do that, it will most likely be someone in production that will arrange that. And let’s be honest, many of these stars just want to get their job done and bolt.

Soon the cameras will stop rolling and the actors will pack their bags. Our sleepy little communities will return to ordinary life of Prairie folk, asking only to “pass the aloe vera” to deal with the afterburn from the red hot glare of a Hollywood star.

They’ll be back. Of course, they will. Where else but Westman will someone stop and ask you if you need help for your flat bike tire, then take you out for pupusas?

JOKE this week

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. When he arrived at the ticket booth, the ticket agent asked, “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”

The old farmer said, “That there is my pet rooster, Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes.”

“I’m sorry sir,” said the ticket agent. “We can’t allow animals in the theatre.”

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls. He returned to the ticket booth, bought a ticket and entered the theatre.

He sat in the only empty seat, next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and soon the rooster began to squirm.

The old farmer was compelled to open his pants a bit so that Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.

“Marge,” whispered Mildred.

“What?” said Marge.

“I think the guy next to me is a weirdo,” whispered Mildred.

“What gives you that idea?” asked Marge.

“He undid his pants and has … IT hanging out,” whispered Mildred.

“Well, don’t worry about it,” said Marge. “At our age, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ’em all.”

“I thought so, too,” admitted Mildred. “But this one’s eatin’ my popcorn!”

BIRTHDAYS

Tanya Shingoose • Lexis Natasia • Alexis Helen-Marie Kuby • Bridgette Newham • Misty Pratt • Brittany Gamache • Sarah Stephens • Jillian Austin • Tyler Luptak

Tyler Glen is a radio DJ on Star-FM. He writes a weekly column for the Brandon Sun.

» Twitter: @Tyler_Glen