Morning Mess — Things to take to heart on Valentine’s Day

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/02/2017 (3169 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Valentine’s Day is Tuesday, and that means teddy bears, chocolates and flowers will be flying off the shelves. There will also be those who will be silly with their money this Valentine’s Day and those who will be smart. When it comes to a budget, women win the smart award. They spend less, while men leave it to the last minute and, usually without a game plan, spend more. Here are some shocking V-Day stats, according to Bing:

On average, a single man will spend $71 during the holiday and a single woman will spend $40.

The survey reveals that 20 per cent of people are buying gifts for friends while only 17 per cent buy for a significant other.

Last year, people spent an average of $681 million on gifts for their pets.

Haven’t bought yet? Don’t worry, 46 per cent of people shop the week before Valentine’s Day for gifts!

The most common gifts are candy, chocolate and cards, but apparently, most people are hoping for an evening out or an “experience.”

The most shocking stat? Fifty per cent of marriage proposals happen on Valentine’s Day.

Within a week of Feb. 14, 1.9 million Facebook users changed their relationship status. A million of them must be from people not getting the present they wanted from their Valentine. Obviously these people were part of the “not smart” club, since they either failed to remember the day, didn’t pay attention to what their partner wanted, or they actually fell for the “Oh no, I don’t want anything for Valentine’s Day” line. Caution: Do not fall for that line — it is a trap! Simply listen for hints (or ask) or plan something fun together and surprise him/her with something you know they like.

If you’ve broken up, and/or are about to break up, here are some people who are smart: A goodwill store in Florida encourages breakup victims, or dumpers, to do some extra dumping, and help get some closure by donating items belonging to their former partners on Valentine’s Day.

The Goodwill Manasota store’s “Donate Your Ex’s Stuff” runs the week right after Valentine’s Day and encourages heartbroken members of the community to donate the remnants of past relationships. The campaign begin with a party featuring food, drinks and music, then the “exorcism of the ex’s belongings” begins, with all items donated during the drive sold in local goodwill stores.

But what if someone wanted the stuff back? This Florida goodwill is once again smart. They make each person donating sign a waiver, stressing the organization is not liable for items donated by people other than their rightful owners. I want to remind all my readers we have several thrift stores in Brandon, and to those thrift stores, the first one to copy this idea gets it. Consider it my Valentine’s gift to you!

Ag Days could capitalize on its closeness to Valentine’s Day, by having some livestock renamed in honour of lovers the following month. What am I talking about? Well the naming of stars, streets, animals and other objects “not ready to take home” are also a popular gift for Valentine’s Day. Ag Days could do all kinds of livestock, although a tractor named Cindy is probably going to get you a lot more action than naming a cow after her — unless she loves cows. Then, it’s not a problem. After all, hundreds of creepy insects are named for loved ones each year. In a smart Valentine’s marketing strategy launched by the Bronx Zoo in New York, they let people name one of its Madagascar hissing cockroaches in honour of someone for Valentine’s Day. The zoo started the name-a-roach program in 2011 as a fun way to fundraise. For $10, recipients get an emailed certificate telling them one of the insects from the world’s largest roach species has been named for them. This year, the zoo is also offering to send along chocolates or a Madagascar cockroach plush toy for higher donations. No worries about there not being enough roaches to go around — the museum said it has thousands of them on display. The money goes to the Wildlife Conservation Society. In Brandon, we could do pigs and we can mail bacon instead of chocolates and a plush pig to take home. Ag Days, you may want to copy this idea. Consider it my Valentine’s gift to you.

Remember when you were a kid, and everyone at school got a Valentine’s Day card? Well, we all know too well, as we grow up, the world isn’t that kind anymore, and some folks wind up feeling left out on the most romantic day of the year. But a student in Utah made sure that didn’t happen in his school.

In case you missed it, 17-year-old Hayden Godfrey of Sky View High School in Smithfield, Utah, handed out 900 carnations to all the girls in his school last Valentine’s Day. And it isn’t a new thing. Apparently this kid has been handing out flowers on Valentine’s Day since his freshman year, when he passed out 30 flowers anonymously to girls in his class.

Last year, he worked three jobs to raise the $450 he needed to expand his generosity. He ordered the flowers three weeks in advance and enlisted friends to help him trim the stems and pass them out. On Facebook he wrote: “Nothing can compare to seeing every girl in your life holding a flower as they walk through the halls.” I can’t wait to see if he does it again this year. Ladies and gentlemen, Hayden is also a smart Valentine. And if you’re a dude at school, who wants to do something amazing, and make the most amazing impression on everyone you may want to copy this idea. Consider it my Valentine’s gift to you. You’re welcome. And happy Valentine’s Day!

Joke this week

Mick was attending his men’s club’s monthly meeting and had just told them he couldn’t make the upcoming hockey trip because his wife wasn’t excited about having him go. After several “under the thumb remarks,” Mick left to go back home to his wife of 25 years.

When Mick’s friends started arriving to catch the bus for the trip the following night, who should be there but Mick sitting up in front of the bus, hockey jersey on, bags packed and sucking on a can of beer.

“How did ya talk ya missus into letting you go Mick?”

“I didn’t have to,” was Mick’s reply. “When I left the club meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then, the missus snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, ‘Surprise.’ When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful, see-through negligee and she said, ‘Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want.’ So here I am!”

BIRTHDAYS

BJ Hersak • Amanda Vidito • CL Kendall • Shirley Gercama • Kelsey Anderson • Juliette Higheagle • Caitlin Carter-Squire • Alison Potter • Meghan Pratt • Carolyn McDougall Park • Todd Hawkins • Jeff Sexton • Lynn Sterling • Steina Wakefield • Joyce Phaneuf

» Tyler Glen is a radio DJ on Star-FM. He writes a weekly column for The Brandon Sun.