MORNING MESS: Six degrees of bacon preference

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/08/2019 (2260 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

CAUTION: This article is scratch and sniff. Give it a try. You’ll be glad you did. The smell? Pure heaven, spelled B-A-C-O-N. This past Tuesday, Aug. 20, was National Bacon Lovers Day!

And if you missed it, don’t worry. Its National Bacon Lovers week. But isn’t that every week of the year? Let’s be honest. Vegetarians and vegans beware — it’s time to get crispy kids! If you believe pork fat rules, this is the week for you — because everything is better with bacon!

And this just isn’t the only time of year we celebrate nature’s gift to the food world. There are a number of celebration days for this beloved meat. April 19 is National Bacon Soup Day, the Saturday before Labour Day (this year, that’s Aug. 31) is International Bacon Day, Dec. 30 is simply known as Bacon Day, and March 3 is National Canadian Bacon Day.

Manitoba processes more bacon than anywhere else in Canada, and that bacon is enjoyed by people in more than 30 countries around the world. The Maple Leaf Foods plant in Winnipeg on Lagimodière is the largest bacon processing facility in Canada at more than 25,000 square metres. They produce more than 25 million kilograms of bacon each year — that’s enough to fill more than 13 Olympic-size swimming pools! That’s a lot of bacon!

There are reasons we do love the stuff … and it isn’t a new thing. Bacon is one of the oldest processed meats in history — the Chinese began salting pork bellies as early as 1500 B.C. — as the salt preserved the meat so it could be eaten all year. In the modern day, more than half of all homes (53 per cent) keep bacon on hand at all times. That makes sense, considering 1.7 billion pounds of bacon are consumed every year in North America.

Here are some other juicy, crispy, salty delicious facts about bacon:

• During the Second World War, the allies were urged to save bacon fat so it could be used in the manufacture of bombs. (It was used to make glycerol, an ingredient in explosives.)

• If you’re average, you’ll eat 18 pounds of bacon this year.

• Three bacon products you can’t eat: Bacon-Scented Bath & Shower Soap; Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages (Band-Aids that look like strips of bacon); and the Bacon Surfing Cat Clock (a clock with a picture of a cat surfing on a piece of bacon … in space).

• Kevin Bacon’s favourite sandwich is the BLAST — bacon, lettuce, avocado, smoked salmon, and tomato. (He claims he invented it … no judgment, it sounds delish.)

• Bacon has been called the food most likely to convince vegetarians to eat meat. That makes sense, considering scientists say that bacon has a compound that produces a pleasing neurochemical response. Result: bacon is addictive.

• First recorded death by bacon: In 1543, an English servant named Elizabeth Browne was warming herself by a fire when she was crushed by four sides of uncooked bacon that had fallen from a hook.

• Research is inconclusive, but here are three things bacon might do: cure hangovers (it has amino acids), improve a fetus’s brain development (it has choline), and lower a man’s sperm count (like all processed meats).

• In a recent poll, 43 per cent of Canadians said they’d rather eat bacon than have sex.

What about crispy or a little floppy? Among Wastmanites, 89 per cent say they want what most call “crispy” bacon, while 11 per cent would choose to have it like my co-host Amber Vandale, a little flabby/floppy.

In fact, when she was pregnant with her kids, she liked it so undercooked, it was almost raw! Can bacon be eaten like sushi? Apparently so. But just like there are different people in the world, there are different degrees of “done-ness” when it comes to doing bacon, everything from burnt to raw, as demonstrated in this picture of bacon strips.

What is the most popular?

• Lorie — Four for me. Yuck to numbers one and two. Cook it for Pete’s sake.

• Sharon — Four is perfect.

• Joni — Between three and four.

• Ashley — Three is acceptable. Anything over three is a waste.

• Chris — Three is acceptable. Four or five is ideal. Six will do if you’ve had a few wobbly pops and don’t care how burnt your bacon is. One and two will give you food poisoning!

• Dee — No. 5 for sure! But I would definitely down four and six too! Yum!

• Brian — Solid three. Just like I was in high school. And after high school.

• Don — Four is close but should have been cooked at a lower temperature, never burn the fat on your bacon.

• Amber — Gotta say No. 4 will always be my favourite.

• Cassie — Two but not quite as done as three. We do not like crunchy at all!

• Lana — Five or six, thanks!

• Tracey — Four … now I want bacon!

• Johnny — Four for sure! Yummy bacon!

• Brandy — Between four and five. Three is acceptable if I’m not cooking it and instead enjoying food made for me.

• Barbara — Prefer six with mustard!

• Julie — Four or five. I like crispy!

• Krista — Four is perfect.

• Angelene — Four unless five happens! Now I want bacon …

• Rick — Two, anything more and you’re not human!

•Susan — I like bacon. It’s good any way!

No matter how you slice it, bacon is one of the world’s favourite foods, and because of its fatty, salty goodness, likely will be for generations to come. Because while burgers can be duplicated with tofu and beans and other vegetables to make it taste like a burger, I have doubts that companies currently making plant based burgers, would ever be successful with plant-based bacon.

In fact, it just sounds wrong. Healthy, but wrong. Plant-based bacon is what goes on your salad.

JOKE THIS WEEK

Our Bacon, which art been cured,

Sizzle be thy flame.

Thy pig undone.

Thy slice be done in pan,

As it is in broiler.

Give us this day our daily pork.

Forgive us for not embracing your brine,

As we forgive those who curse carbonara.

And lead to try turkey bacon,

And maybe some veggie too.

For thine is the crispy,

The crunch, and the grease,

For ever and ever.

Praise Bacon!

That, friends, is what you call the “Lard’s Prayer.”

BIRTHDAYS

Jean Skrupa • Chris Malchuk • Laura Sytnyk •Nicole Samson •Bev Johnston Rousson •Shannon Senko • Britanee Cosens-Perrin